Holidays are supposed to be so joyous and fun, and yet they can make even the most optimistic person antsy, anxious and even downright miserable. I think a lot of times, we carry so much baggage from holidays past with us, it's impossible to just relax and enjoy the here and now.
For some, it's a time to try to make the holidays live up to those from their past. For some, it's a lonely time, even if they're surrounded by people. And often, it's a time when we miss most those who have left us.
Two years ago was one of the most difficult Christmases I have had, and yet I was fortunate to receive a blessing in it, too.
Let me preface this story by explaining that Christmas has always meant family to me. Yes, it does commemorate the birth of our Savior, but I was raised in a small church whose pastor was anti-Christmas celebration for several reasons (he didn't believe Christ was born on Dec. 25, and the Bible does not tell us to celebrate Christmas, etc.) So, while I always knew it was intended to celebrate Christ's birth, it was more a time for fellowship with family than anything for me.
My Mom's parents would always come and stay with us for a while, and we spent a lot of time with them over the holidays.
Christmas Eve was time for my Dad's family, though. We always gathered to celebrate, and we would laugh and talk and eat and exchange more gifts than you can imagine. It was one of the things I look forward to every year, and until this year, I never missed one.
My Mamaw and Papaw especially loved Christmas Eve because, usually, all three of their kids and all of their kids' kids would be in one place at one time. And they both loved to give...presents, time, whatever...
We lost Mamaw in 1992, but we kept the Christmas Eve tradition going strong.
Two years ago, though, my Papaw got very sick shortly before Christmas Eve. His illness accelerated quickly, and by the time Dec. 23 rolled around, he was already under hospice care in his home (a small house built just for him in my aunt's back yard).
To get the full impact of what I am about to tell you, you had to know my Papaw. He was one of the most amazing men I have ever met. I'm sure my view of him is colored by the fact that I am his granddaughter. But everyone, related or not, agrees on a few things about him.
Papaw was one of the most gentle men you would ever want to meet. He laughed easily and was able to make people feel at ease. He had a way with animals that was downright amazing. Animals that would bite and fight others would snuggle up to him and love on him so gently. My ex-husband once called Papaw a force of nature. That about sums it up.
There were only two negatives I ever saw in his life: he was not saved and he was prejudiced, especially against blacks. He wasn't a bad man, mind you. I rarely, if ever, heard him cuss. I think I saw him and Mamaw argue one time in my whole life. He was just a good guy. But he was not saved and he was able to use the N-word at the drop of a hat with no qualms. (I know that that is due a lot to the way and time in which he was raised. But still...)
I don't know when, but at some point later in life, Papaw was saved. It is such a blessing when someone you love becomes a child of God. It is such a joyous event and is a relief. I was so happy when I heard Papaw was saved.
Now let's fast forward back to Christmas 2009. On Christmas Eve, most of our family gathered at my aunt's house, so even though Papaw was unconscious most of the day, we were able to each see him a final time and say our goodbyes. The day ended up with a sad, heavy tone, but it was such a blessing to know that we all had a chance to say goodbye.
Papaw left us Christmas morning. A few days later, we all gathered again for his funeral. I learned a lot about my Papaw that day. He was in the Army, for example. I never knew that about him.
His service was lovely...made especially so because one of his hospice nurses spoke at it. She spoke about the conversations she and Papaw had about the Lord and heaven. She was very eloquent and she was visibly moved while speaking. It was so amazing to see this young woman who knew him for such a short time be so moved by my Papaw. Like I said earlier, he was amazing. He had that affect on people. She finished her time speaking by singing "How Great is Our God" a capella....the most beautiful rendition of that song ever.
And, she happened to be black.
To most of us, that wouldn't mean a thing. But for a man who spent the majority of his life with prejudice in his heart to spend his last hours on earth having intimate conversations about the Lord with a black woman....well, it's profound.
Only Salvation can change a heart so greatly. And only God can bring people together like this.
Oh, and by the way, I miss you Papaw.
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